March 2019/Cleo

March comes in like a lion and out like a lamb.

Our 5-year old William said it at the end of February and has he been right!

Weather-wise, yes, but the storms of life raged on the very first day of this third month of 2019.

Our friend and her dogs had been staying with us since early January due to a housing crisis and long-term health issues that had stacked up. Within the first few week of her stay, we hatched the idea of a #pennychallenge to double a penny a day for a month and raise $5.4M for our friend and 100\’s of families each year have secure housing. A new non-profit was born! Using MKE thinking: What could you do for the world if your housing were secure?

So it was Friday, March 1st, the road had been slippery and there was a two-hour school delay. My husband left with the kids by 10am and our little Cleo 8-month old kitty wanted to go out on the porch. I let her go and forgot to bring her back in which quickly came crashing into my consciousness 30 mins later as I was then standing at the kitchen table and our friend let her two dogs outside. Usually staying on the leash, the dogs were wanting to run so she let them off the leash and they found Cleo near the back porch. I knew what the sound was. Amelia came on the scene from outside at the same time as I came running through the back door.

I entered an out-of-body state of hysteria and shock. We tried to secure the scene, mostly unsuccessfully.

To be a bird in the sky would have been to see terror. I cried and screamed for too long until Scott returned from drop off. My socks were falling off in the snow. It was a debilitating sense of powerlessness and also loss of safety.  I had shepherded our friend and the dogs to stay with us while finding a secure home, and now my home was wounded, our kitty dead.

Telling the kids after school that day is not something I am eager to repeat. But their bravery. Stepping into the house again and going to talk with the dogs as William did; reading \”Time for a Hug\” in her room and crying more as Clare did; and unable to come in the house from the car for at least an hour as Agnes did, but then coming in. That day and many that followed, our emotions rose like molten lava. Love and grief. Love and grief.

The acute pain and discomfort have eased now, 21 days later. We built a fire to soften the ground and bury her that night. William said the next day: now Cleo\’s in charge of the ground. I don\’t want to crawl out of my skin anymore.

You can\’t help at your own peril. That came to me a few hours afterwards that day, when I could at least breathe normally again and close my eyes for a few moments.

I wish to think I\’m giving of myself to put all cards on the table. Life, I\’m in. Wiry grey hairs and more cred every day.

Namaste.

Mom of 3, wife of 1

Appreciation to my hubby for making this sweetest video of Cleo \”about 8 months ago\”.